I've learned a lot about myself over the last almost 7 years and I have done and experienced so many things since I left that woman on the left behind. (roller coasters, a bungee swing, water parks, 5k's, long bike rides, buying something off the rack without having to try it on) It's still so hard for me to believe sometimes that that was me. Sometimes if I look too long I get emotional and I feel the regret of being that way for so long. It's so hard to describe how desperate I felt and how stuck I felt for years. It's painful to be 260 pounds-physically and mentally. The self-loathing, the out of control feelings around food-an appetite that was never satisfied. It's a rough way to live. It wasn't that I never experienced fun or that I didn't have people around me that loved me and that I enjoyed being with, but there was kind of a dark cloud over everything because always I was conscious of how miserable I looked and felt.
I still get feelings of inadequacy-especially when I start comparing myself to others. For the most part, I swim in my own lane and I focus on trying to be the best me I can be every day. I'm no longer worried about being the fattest woman in the room, the fattest mom on the field trip etc. I'm no longer worried about being the fat wife at the company Christmas party. Life is so much more relaxing when you're not constantly worried about how you stack up.
Can you relate? Are you still like the old me? If so, I promise there is hope for you. Are you now like the new me and dealing with insecurities still? Focus on all the positives and how good you feel and each day will be better than the last. Embrace the new you.